Friday, May 19, 2023

Aly was a high school student who had never given much thought to financial matters. She spent her money as soon as she received it without considering the long-term consequences. She loved keeping up with the latest trends and often spent much of her allowance on clothes, shoes, and Tim Hortons iced coffees. Aly had no problem dropping $600 on brand-name sneakers, even if it cleared her bank account. She heard her parents talk a bit about money and knew that they wanted her to be more responsible with her money. However, she disagreed at the time. She was hardworking and had a part-time job, so that was great.  

Aly started a co-op placement and was asked to read a wealth-building book the owner of the business had written. Aly was not intrigued or concerned about personal finance and really found herself especially uninterested as she didn’t like reading and didn’t see the point. She reluctantly agreed to read it and found it super hard to start reading the book.  

Once Aly got started, she could barely put it down. It was more like a story disguised as a financial book about a young couple who learns how to manage their money amid crippling debt. The storyline made it easy to get into, and since the book was written at a fifth-grade level, she discovered the principles taught were surprisingly easy to understand. And the ones that were more difficult to wrap her brain around, she moved passed easily as she found even her relationships were getting easier to navigate. 

Within a few weeks, Aly gained a beginner’s understanding of the power of compound interest and the importance of creating a financial plan. She learned about credit scores, the impact of debt, and the benefits of starting to save early. By the time she turned the last page, Aly had realized how little she had known before and how it could significantly impact her future.

Motivated to make a change, Aly started implementing what she had learned. She realized she had been spending her money impulsively without considering the long-term consequences. The teen began by creating a budget that allocated a specific portion of her allowance for clothing while setting aside money for savings and investing. She realized she could still enjoy her passion for fashion while being more mindful of spending. 

As Aly prioritized financial literacy, she noticed changes in her life. She gained confidence in making smart financial decisions and developed increasingly wiser spending habits. When she thought about it, she knew her parents were right, and she became responsible and made informed choices about her future financial goals. 

Like Aly, as teenagers transition into adulthood, they must acquire many skills to thrive in the real world. One important skill often overlooked is money management. Financial literacy is crucial for individuals of all ages. However, for teenagers, learning to manage money becomes even more critical. Learning to handle finances at a young age can profoundly impact their future financial well-being. The teenage years are an ideal time to cultivate responsible financial habits that can set them up for a secure and prosperous future.

Developing Healthy Spending Habits:

As a teenager, how did you spend your pocket money? Were you the type of kid to scrimp and save, rarely spending any because you were saving up for a car? Or perhaps you felt that no matter how much you made, there was never enough money to buy everything you wanted. Learning money management as a teenager allows for developing healthy financial habits that can last a lifetime. By learning to differentiate between needs and wants, they can prioritize their expenses, avoid impulsive purchases, and make more informed choices. This early discipline can prevent the accumulation of excessive debt and foster a mindset of financial responsibility. These habits lay the foundation for a stable financial future. What a gift to learn this before years of accumulated debt!

Cultivating Savings and Goal-Setting:

What was the first life lesson you learned regarding money? One of my earliest memories was feeling desperate as a six-year-old because I wanted a Barbie so badly but believed there was no way I could earn money. As a teenager, I was told to “save my pennies” from all my babysitting jobs, and I felt guilty whenever I spent any money. This helplessness followed me until I learned to sound wealth-building principles as an adult. 

Saving money is an essential skill that teenagers should learn early on; however, managing money involves setting financial goals and creating a plan to achieve them. Simply telling a child to “save” their money does not give them something rewarding to work towards. By teaching teenagers money management, we empower them to set and work towards achieving goals. Whether saving for a dream vacation, buying a car, or starting a business, having financial goals provides focus and motivation. Teenagers who understand the importance of planning are more likely to succeed in achieving their aspirations. Setting financial goals instills discipline, patience, and delayed gratification. By practicing regular savings, teenagers can develop a strong foundation for building wealth and achieving their aspirations in the long run.

Making Informed Financial Decisions:

It’s incredible the number of scams we encounter each day, whether presented through email, texts, voice messages, ads, or direct messages on various social media accounts. Phrases such as “Guaranteed returns with no risk” and “You’ve won a prize, but you need to pay a small fee to claim it” seem silly to us because of our financial literacy. Kids must know some phrases that scammers commonly use to lure unsuspecting individuals. Financial literacy equips teenagers with the knowledge and skills to make informed financial decisions. They learn about interest rates, investments, loans, and credit scores. Armed with this knowledge, teenagers can make more intelligent choices when borrowing, investing, and planning for significant life events like college or buying a home. This early education reduces the risk of falling prey to financial scams or costly mistakes.

Early Financial Independence:

One of the primary reasons teenagers should learn money management skills is to foster financial independence. Understanding how to wisely earn, save, and spend them to take control of their financial future. By mastering these skills early on, they become less reliant on others for financial support and are better equipped to navigate the challenges of adulthood. It teaches them the value of hard work, budgeting, and making informed financial decisions. They also get a head start on learning to take responsibility for their choices. This understanding and experience will help them avoid unnecessary financial struggles and gain a sense of control over their lives.

Building Financial Resilience:

Financial challenges are inevitable, and teenagers learning money management skills are better prepared to face them. They understand that life is unpredictable and circumstances may change. They are open to adjusting their financial plans, cutting expenses when needed, and exploring new opportunities to maintain financial stability. They understand the value of emergency funds, insurance, and saving for unexpected events. They are adaptable and flexible in their approach to finances. This financial resilience helps them navigate tough times, reducing stress and ensuring a quicker recovery from financial setbacks.

Empowering Decision-Making Skills:

Money management skills go beyond handling finances; they develop critical decision-making skills. Teenagers learn to assess trade-offs, evaluate options, and make choices based on their financial priorities. These decision-making skills extend beyond money and become valuable assets in all areas of life, fostering independence and responsibility.

Building Credit and Financial Reputation:

Managing money responsibly as a teenager allows them to build a positive credit history early on. A good credit score opens doors to favorable interest rates on loans, credit cards, and even housing. By being mindful of their financial actions and paying bills on time, teenagers can establish a solid financial reputation, which will benefit them when they need to make significant financial transactions.

Avoiding Debt Traps:

Irresponsible financial behavior can lead to excessive debt and economic hardship. Teaching teenagers about the risks and consequences of debt empowers them to make responsible choices. They learn to differentiate between good and bad debt, understand interest rates, and use credit wisely. This knowledge safeguards them from falling into debt traps and sets them on a path to financial stability.

Equipping teenagers with money management skills is an investment in their future. By teaching them to budget, save, invest, and make informed financial decisions, we empower them to become financially independent and responsible adults. This both benefits them individually and contributes to building an economically accountable society. Empowering the next generation with the knowledge and skills they need to thrive in an increasingly complex financial landscape plays a fundamental role in building generational wealth. 

If you know a teen who needs to read the book Aly did, you can find it here. Prefer to learn in a live workshop environment? Connect with us at together@dekkerteam.com to gain sound knowledge and access a community of like minded learners.  

Friday, May 12, 2023

I recently heard a touching story about a six-year-old boy named Bridger Walker who saved his little sister from a brutal dog attack. The incident occurred when Bridger and his four-year-old sibling visited a friend’s house. A large dog charged at them, and Bridger immediately stepped between the dog and his sister to protect her. The dog latched onto Bridger’s cheek, causing a massive tear across his face. He responded by yelling for his sister to run. 

When the dog finally released him, he raced to his sister and led her inside the house. Despite the pain and fear he must have felt, Bridger did not let go of his sister’s hand until they were both safely inside. The boy was taken to the hospital for a two-hour surgery of over 90 stitches. When asked about the incident, Bridger told his parents, “If someone had to die, I thought it should be me.”

Little Bridger reminds me that although we might not encounter a dramatic situation as he did, most of us are willing to give our lives for causes or beliefs we deeply value. This might include protecting loved ones, defending one’s country, or fighting for justice or freedom. Some people are willing to sacrifice themselves for their religious or spiritual beliefs. In general, what one is willing to give their life for is a deeply personal decision that varies from person to person and depends on individual values, beliefs, and life circumstances.

My question today is: What are you willing to lay your life down for?

I would encourage you to ponder this one for a few minutes. Developing a personal value system is essential in creating a meaningful and fulfilling life. Your values reflect what you believe is most important in life and guide your decisions, behaviors, and relationships. By taking the time to identify and clarify your values, you can make choices that align with your principles and goals and feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment in your life.

As a REALTOR®, I love helping people. It’s a passion in my life to see people move forward to build the life of their dreams. One of our Dekker Team slogans is “Moving forward together because together we’ve got this.” I love coming alongside people and guiding them on the journey of buying or selling their most valuable assets. 

Over the last 13 years, Ken and I have created over 587 Life’s Inside Track episodes. When I add the number of hours we’ve invested in guiding people through our radio show alone, the number is staggering. We’ve been giving our life to helping clients and those in our community for decades, little chunks at a time. 

We all have 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. No matter who we are – whether we’re the Prime Minister or a Tim Hortons cashier. Time is a commodity that we have a limited amount of. It’s a non-renewable resource. And if you think about it, we all give our lives for something every minute of every day. 

As Ken and I pondered this one day in our tranquility room, we thought about how much we argued. We calculated how often we passionately disagree or have “heated fellowship,” as we call it, and for how long each time. We’re blessed in that our core values strongly align with each other. The vast majority of our disagreements are needless arguments based on personal preferences. And wow, it was humbling to realize how much of our lives we gave away last year to something so pointless. The amount is much less than it was when we first married, and we have put a lot of work into learning to resolve conflict healthily. Even still, the number we calculated did not reflect what we wanted for our lives. 

When we’re not cognisant of how we spend our time, it’s easy to waste our time on things that don’t matter. Or even something that harms us! One thing for me that I struggle with periodically is staying away from sugar. I know it doesn’t benefit me; it doesn’t support how I want to look, feel, or how I want to spend my time. If I’m going to take the time to eat, I want it to be something that nourishes my body. I keep this value in mind by changing my language around food. Rather than using the word “eat” in my daily schedule, I call it “fuel” because that’s my goal: to put fuel in my body. I only want to eat what serves me. 

We lay down our lives for the little decisions we make each day. The good news is when your values are clear, it’s easier to choose to use your valuable time on things that move you forward. 

Someone wise once said, “Let me see your checkbook, and I’ll be able to tell you what you value in life.” I would say, “Let me see your agenda” because I believe what you spend your time on provides an even clearer picture. 

Is it possible to be accountable to the minute? If I logged my entire life into a journal, how many minutes would I spend on what I value, and how many would I spend on what I don’t? 

I think the key here is being aware. By understanding how we spend our time, we can identify areas where we may need to spend our time wisely or use it effectively. This can help us make adjustments and prioritize more important or productive activities. 

What about things we enjoy that seem frivolous in the grand scheme? I used to give Ken such a hard time for playing sports. I thought it was a waste of energy and would grumble and moan whenever he packed his hockey bag that he should be doing something more productive than just chasing a puck around with a stick. Now I sheepishly recall this short-sighted attitude because I see the value in movement and mental rejuvenation. Sports for Ken is wonderful stress relief; he comes home more relaxed, clear-headed, and even kinder because he feels refreshed mentally and physically. 

I would encourage you, if you haven’t already, to sit down with a piece of paper and work through these questions: 

1. Reflect on your values: Consider what you believe is most important in life. What do you stand for? What do you want to achieve? What kind of person do you want to be? Take some time to write down your values and reflect on them.
2. Examine your priorities: Consider how you spend your time, energy, and resources. Are these aligned with your values? Are there any areas of your life where you feel you are not living up to your values?
3. Consider your goals: What do you want to achieve in life? What are your short-term and long-term goals? Are these aligned with your values?
4. Think about your relationships: Who are the people most important to you in your life? What kind of relationships do you want to have with them? How can you strengthen those relationships?
5. Assess your lifestyle: What kind of lifestyle do you want to lead? What type of work do you want to do? Where do you want to live? What kind of activities do you want to pursue?
6. Prioritize your choices: Based on your reflections, prioritize your choices and actions. Choose what is most important to you and plan to work towards it.

I heard a story once of a talented concert violinist. One night he put on the performance of his life and left his audience spellbound. Someone from the audience sought him out afterward, saying, “I’d give my life to be able to play like that.” The violinist said, “I did. I did give my life for it.” Time is a finite resource, and once it is gone, you cannot get it back.

Friday, May 5, 2023

As REALTORS®, the team receives frequent questions about conventional housing, like new builds and hobby farms, and unconventional housing, like off-the-grid cabins. Determining your mortgageability on these types of investments is critical before setting up a search to view properties. 

Here are a few points you’ll need to consider for each scenario. Hopefully, it’ll give you clarity so you know what questions to ask as you begin the journey!

I want to buy land and build a cabin!

We often get calls on this: people wanting to buy vacant land to build a cabin. Many people dream of renting out a little cabin since Airbnb’s are becoming increasingly popular. The critical thing to consider here is what the bank can use for security. 

Lenders aren’t going to lend you money based on a dream. They look at what they would have as collateral. Unfortunately, in this case, land doesn’t provide a bank with enough security to give you a loan. It’s near impossible to get a mortgage solely on a piece of land. You might be able to get a note loan directly from a bank, but this would be a very rare case. You may be able to get funding through private lending; this would likely be extremely expensive. 

If you want land for an off-the-grid cabin to get back to nature, you’ll need to save up the money to buy it with cash. 99% of the time, finding a lender for this will be nearly impossible. 

I want to buy a cottage (and maybe rent it out)! 

So, if you can’t get a loan on land, what if you got land with a cabin already on it? The question then becomes, can you live in this building four seasons of the year? Does it have services like hydro, water, and sewage? If you can’t, and it doesn’t, it can’t be considered a real shelter. The bank will consider the building to be a glorified shed with no real value to offer them the security they require. 

As you probably gathered from above, not all cottages are created equal. To a mortgage lender, they are classified into types: A and B. A-level cottages qualify for much lower down payments of only 5%. B level typically requires 10% or more down. For a building to be a type A, it needs to have potable running water, central heating, plumbing, and electricity. It requires a permanent foundation below the frost line and be winterized with 4-season access. 

Lenders consider what any insurance company will look at, such as how close the property is to fire hydrants. Another thing they need to know is if you have deeded access. Many times cottage properties don’t come with actual owned access to roadways. You might assume a property does because a neighbor has let the owner use their roadway for years, but what happens if there is a dispute? A lender needs to know they can always access the property so they will want documentation with access listed in the deed. Water access is a factor as well. If you can only reach the cottage by boat, that’s much harder to finance, and you will need a much higher down payment as it will be considered a B-level property. 

Many people are unaware of a significant fact: if the property meets A-level criteria, you can likely buy it as a second property with only 5% down. That’s right! Most people believe that if they own a principal residence, any other properties will require 20% down. But, if you qualify to carry your mortgage along with this second mortgage, you might be eligible for 5% down. This includes cottages outside your province, as long as it is in Canada. 

Let’s say you want to offset some of the costs of this vacation home, such as taxes and maintenance. Some people think, “Well, I’m not going to use it all the time, so I’d like to rent it out during the winter, for a few weeks a year, etc., as a short-term rental.” If you choose this route, you must cover the full 20% down payment. If you utilize the property as purely a second home or your personal vacation home, you can get away with 5% down. So, this is something to consider. 

I want to buy land and build my dream home!

If you want to buy land and build an actual four-season home immediately, consider qualifying for a construction mortgage. This way, you’d wrap the new build into the land purchase. To be eligible for something like this, you’ll have a lot of homework to do in advance. You’ll need to provide the lender with drawings of the building, proof it will have services like water and hydro, plans by the general contractor, an appraised value of the completed build, plans of costs for each stage of construction, etc. If you can show all these things, you might qualify for a mortgage for 50 to 70% of the costs. 

I want to buy a new build!

A key thing to consider when using a builder is to ensure the property is below what you can afford and that you have liquable cash because many unforeseen factors are at play. 

When working with a prominent builder, you won’t close on the house for 18 to 24 months. There is a much longer window for something to come up than when you buy a pre-built house immediately. With a new build, you have to put in a deposit. Most people go to a builder such as Tartan or Mahogany because they can generally get a new home with less money upfront. A builder might only require a 5-15% deposit, whereas, with a custom build, you’ll need a lot more capital upfront. It’s critical to know that there may be carrying and interest costs during the timeframe while the home is being built. 

It’s also important to understand that many things can happen during those 18-24 months. Let’s say your job changes: you are laid off, you go from a permanent position to a contract position; maybe something happens with your health. Unforeseen factors like this can affect your ability to purchase when it comes time. We’ve seen cases where the government changes rules during those months, such as how a person can qualify. This happened recently when the mortgage qualification stress test went from 2% to 4% higher than what they were months before. What you could afford previously might not be the case later. 

Another thing to consider is the changing value of property. If you sign a purchase agreement at the peak of the market when builders are asking for a top price, and then 18 months later, the market has balanced out, the appraisal might not come in at what you paid. This means you won’t qualify for a mortgage as high as you estimated you’d receive. 

Sound scary? It doesn’t have to be. Just make sure you consider all of these things beforehand and get your ducks in a row before making the purchase. Ensure you have enough wiggle room so that if any of these factors arise in your situation, you’ll still be in a position to qualify to close on the property. 

I want to buy a multi-unit investment!

When you’re looking at buying any investment, the more units you’re buying, the more work it will be for you as the buyer. Surprisingly, it’s easier to qualify for more units (6+) than for 1-5 units. With 1-5 units, you’re qualifying as a residential purchaser. You can use the rental rates towards the property’s income, but a lender will also be factoring in your personal income. They’ll want to know how much you’ve made in the last two years, your mortgages, and all your debt. This makes it harder and harder for people to buy a single rental property. If you don’t get CMHC, you must put 20% down, which is a lot of money for many people’s first investment. 

Once you purchase six units, you’re considered a commercial client. This means your personal numbers are taken out of the equation, and lenders look solely at the numbers of the actual building. There are different programs through CMHC available in this case, so you can put less money down, to the tune of of 5-15%. This is much more attractive as it’s technically easier to qualify, and you can scale your investments more quickly. 

Some people may find a great low-priced rental property that they realize they can fix up and rent for much more. They may not qualify for traditional financing. I’ve seen cases where they get more expensive private financing for 1-2 years. During that time, they renovate the building and bring up the rental values. Then they get the property assessed with these higher rates and qualify for traditional financing. Then they can refinance, pull the capital back out, and get all their money back. Compound rate of return when leveraged is a beautiful thing!

I want to buy a hobby farm!

After the waves of Covid hit, hobby farming has become more popular. People work from home, want more freedom, and appreciate the fresh air. Some people find the additional possible income or extra produce welcome with the rising inflation costs.  

We saved this scenario for last because it has the most hoops you’ll have to jump through. You may love owning 50 acres, but that doesn’t mean your bank is a fan. If you want to buy a working, income-generating farm, you must bypass a mortgage broker and work with a company like Farm Credit. If a residential lender has any sense you are using your hobby farm to generate income, they will back out. 

Hobby farms typically have additional outbuildings. These are very expensive to build, costing between $100K to $150K. However, if you can buy the buildings included in the property sale, you’ll pay far less than that for them. 

When a bank appraises a property, they’re not interested in the outbuildings, the excess acreage, or the farming potential of livestock or crops. When working with your mortgage broker, it’s really important to consider this before applying for a mortgage. Excess acreage means different things depending on the lender. It might be anything from over 5 acres to 15 acres, depending on the lender. Fifteen acres are typically the maximum amount any lender will value with the house. When the bank considers a property to have excess acreage, they view a portion of the purchase as being land value rather than the purchase being value in the house building. As I mentioned earlier, banks want to refrain from lending on land. The amount they are willing to lend you actually decreases with every additional acre. 

This means you’ll need a much higher down payment because the bank’s appraisal will come lower than the actual sale price. What’s vital here is that the bank’s perceived value of the property is not the same as the sale value of the property. If the bank appraises a hobby farm lower than the buyer’s price, it doesn’t mean the buyer overpaid. It just means the bank isn’t willing to lend on the actual sale amount. The outbuildings, similarly, will hold no value to the lender.

When buying a residential property, there are inclusions which are not valued in the mortgage like the appliances. Most lenders turn a blind eye to these inclusions and still lend on the appraised value with your 5% and up down payment. With hobby farms, the lender does not want to see expensive add ons like a tractor, farm machinery, animals, crops etc included in the agreement. These reduce the value of the property and thus the mortgage amount by the value you place on those things. A lender may turn a blind eye to small home appliances, but it won’t on high expense items like a tractor. 

So in conclusion, if you want to buy a property with acreage, you will want to make sure you have somewhere from 20% and above for your down payment. Even if you have 20%, the bank may still value your property much lower than the sale price. Because you are paying cash for the difference in value, you may see your actual percentage drop to 5 or 10% and will then be required to pay insurance fees as it will be a high ratio mortgage.  By having 30-50% down you should be able to avoid those extra fees.  

While these are helpful tips, we recommend you go to a mortgage broker who can give you the most up-to-date information regarding your situation. Reach out if you need an excellent mortgage broker or want to discuss your options. Book a 15-minute clarity call to discover your options so you can make wise choices moving forward. We are honored to be your advocates on the journey of life exponential and building wealth.

Friday, April 28, 2023

When people are in a difficult situation relationally, they tend to go one of two ways: stick their heads in the sand like an ostrich to avoid conflict or plunge headfirst into a situation to deal with it and end up like a bull in a china shop. Both responses are extreme and tend to make the situation worse. 

I’m naturally the huffing, puffing bull in the china shop. I need to come at things head-on. This got me into a lot of trouble until I learned to temper my approach, and it cost me a lot of relationships and pain.

In our approach, we can be a bull in the china shop, even when there isn’t a problem. We may feel too rushed or ambitious, and this style doesn’t work for the other person. I still recall an awful scenario that happened like this in our office with a potential client. A lovely, elderly lady connected with us because we delivered her a local Bearer newsletter for years. We had never met in person, but she knew what we stood for and that we knew the market well. She rang our office for help selling her home so that she could move into a retirement home. One of our former team members spoke with her on the phone to get more information. We have a checklist of questions to guide the conversation so that we can fully understand the situation and find a tailored solution.  

Unfortunately, this team member was new to the process and fired off question after question rather than using them to guide the conversation. It quickly became a bull in the china shop approach, and this poor elderly lady felt bombarded in a very impersonal way. I later got a call from the lady to tell me she was going to call her lawyer. I said, “Whoa! What do you need a lawyer for?” I discovered that she felt the treatment was so forceful that she needed a lawyer to protect her on what to say and not say. I know this was not the intent of the conversation and felt terrible for this poor lady. Needless to say, we didn’t end up helping her. The damage had been done to the relationship, and it was hard to recover from that. 

A few guidelines I have followed over the years when having these conversations have helped. Choosing the right time and place for a conversation can help ensure that both parties are fully present and engaged in the discussion, such as a quiet, appropriate location, a conference room or an office where you won’t be disturbed by noises or other people. I recommend choosing a time that is convenient for both parties. It’s important to respect each other’s schedules and availability. There is nothing worse than sidelining someone into a difficult conversation while they are trying to deal with something else. If you’re having a virtual conversation, make sure to choose a platform that is reliable and user-friendly. Test out the technology beforehand to avoid any technical difficulties during the conversation.

It’s essential to be clear and direct to avoid misunderstandings. While we might think hedging around the bush is kind, ambiguous language can be interpreted differently, leading to confusion or misinterpretation. That may lead to another one of these conversations! Or make the situation worse. By being clear and direct in a kind, respectful way, you can ensure that your message is understood and that the person knows exactly what you mean. 

Allow the other person to speak and listen actively to what they are saying. Show empathy and try to understand their perspective. Avoid interrupting or interjecting with your opinions or experiences unless the other person asks for them. Focus on actively listening and showing empathy for their perspective. Ask open-ended questions to encourage others to expand on their thoughts and feelings. This can help you gain a deeper understanding of their perspective and help the other person feel heard and valued. 

I experienced this in retail; we had a new area director for our franchise. Other leaders have had tough conversations with me through the years, guiding, directing, encouraging, and sometimes admonishing me for different things. I could handle it well because I knew their heart was to see me succeed. Well, this particular fellow just came at me booming with, “You’re doing this wrong,” “You need to do this,” and “You’re not going to make it,” boom, boom, boom. Being direct does not mean being rude and obnoxious. Plus, he didn’t have any rapport with me. So what did I do with that information? I took offense. At the time, I didn’t have the tools to have a difficult conversation with him, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t either! The result was an uncomfortable working relationship for years. 

One way to show empathy is by paraphrasing what they’ve said to you. This has been invaluable to my husband and I in bringing down a heated conversation. By repeating their words back to them in your way, you can confirm that you’ve interpreted their message correctly. Not only does this demonstrate that you’re actively listening, but it also shows that you value their input and want to ensure you’re on the same page. In addition, paraphrasing can help to avoid misunderstandings and miscommunication, which can lead to more productive and effective conversations. This allows you both to keep your emotions in check to stay calm. 

One of the biggest things is to be vulnerable and share your heart. Blaming or focusing on the person’s mistakes is demoralizing and makes it harder for them to move forward. Focus on what you can do to move forward rather than dwelling on the past. Work together to find solutions to the problem. 

Connecting with people when things get messy requires a lot of vulnerability. Brene Brown says vulnerability is a strength. If you have the heart of reconciliation, the other person will often perceive it. It can salvage or build a stronger relationship. We don’t want to be an ostrich in the sand; we want to take the bull by the horn, but we don’t want to be the bull. 

Friday, April 21, 2023

As we launch into the spring market, now is a great time to consider whether you want to buy real estate. With the significant market shifts, rising mortgage rates, and increased interest rates, many people feel their first or an additional property is far out of reach. I’d love to challenge you to move out of what you hear in alarmist media and listen to the experts.

You might find out you already have the funds available from a source you never considered and that you are only a few tweaks away from an excellent credit score.

1. Look for Downpayment Opportunities

Squirreling away money is the traditional method of building a downpayment. It’s a reliable go-to, especially since your lender wants to see money doesn’t magically appear, poof, into your savings account. Lenders like to see your down payment slowly accumulating over time. If you suddenly move the funds from your chequing account to your savings account, they become suspicious. They prefer to see that you’ve been putting $500 a month into your savings account for the last two years. This demonstrates a proven track record of financial stability.

Another way to acquire a downpayment is to borrow it, maybe from family or a lending institution. As mentioned above, this doesn’t build the same credibility with a lender and your repayment of this is calculated when you qualify for your mortgage. This money can’t be secured against the last 5% of the house.

Perhaps you have family who want to give you money. More and more parents are providing their adult kids with a hand up, deciding that since they are leaving money to their kids in their will, they might as well give it sooner to help their children get a start in the market. In a case like this, you would need a gift letter from your relative stating you don’t have to repay the money. This ensures the sudden funds can be used towards your down payment and don’t negatively impact your mortgageability.

Another method to find a downpayment is to use your whole life or universal life policy. Those have a cash value which you can actually borrow on. It reduces future gains, but you don’t pay interest on it. Lenders view it as you borrowing your own money, so it is not calculated against you. This makes it another amazing source for your down payment.

Another place you might find money that you haven’t thought of is any RRSP’s. You can actually remove up to $35,000 per person. If you’re a couple and you each have fifty or sixty thousand in your savings plan, you could already have a combined down payment of $70,000! You have 15 years to pay it back, which is about $195 per month. If you don’t, they tax you on 1/15 of the money.

My favourite way to find a down payment is by using equity on a current home. This can apply to you if you been in your home awhile. If you haven’t been refinancing, which I like to refer to as using your home as an ATM machine, chances are you have enough equity to pull for a down payment on another property. If this makes you nervous, I recommend giving us a call. We’ve seen this done very successfully in the past and we’d love to help you identify if this might be a good fit in your case.

2. Tweak Your Credit Score

Thinking about your credit score likely has you inwardly groaning. It’s intimidating for many people because it seems like there are algorithms that decrease scores that the general public isn’t aware of.

Unfortunately, it’s not something we should bury our heads in the sand about. This score affects how you apply for a mortgage, how much you qualify for, your interest rate, the terms, and the lender.

Some people have said to me, “Well, I’ve got great credit. I’ve never borrowed any money and I pay cash for everything.” I feel badly informing them that their scores are probably terrible because of these great habits. Why? There’s no history, no data, and no information available to show you are reliable with money or have a responsible credit history.

If you need to tweak this area of your financial health, there are a few key things you can do that will make a big difference. First, borrow money for your next vehicle. I know this sounds crazy and some of you may be thinking, “I do the most responsible thing and buy my car with cash.” In this case, your credit rating will improve if you took a loan for the car and pay it back quickly. Tweak Your Credit Score

. You will need to pay a little bit of interest because you need to show a history of making a few payments. Think of this expense as the cost of increasing your score for a longer term gain.

The next thing to consider is your credit cards. If you don’t have a credit card, this might be the sign to get one. If you’re uncomfortable with this, you can set your account to automatically withdrawal the full repayment amount each month. Alternatively, you can prepay the credit card with cash, so you are still using your money rather than borrowing money.

The key to your credit card is to first of all, pay off your credit every month. Even better, pay the full amount back each month. If you can’t do that, at least make your minimum payment and prepare yourself for heavy interest fees. The best way to use your credit card is to avoid spending more than 50% of your available credit. If you spend the full amount or close to the full amount available to you, this hurts your score. If you find it challenging to keep it under 50%, look into increasing the amount available to you.

Let’s say you don’t qualify for a credit card. Perhaps you are a student or you are digging yourself out of a financial pit. In this case, you may be able to get a reverse credit card. You load money onto it, say $500, and then you have the $500 to spend. Just like mentioned above, you’re not borrowing money, and you’re still building your credit rating.

An important thing to note is that longevity creates credit worthiness and recent credit works against you. Don’t apply for any new credit the full year before you plan to get a mortgage. No car loans and no credit cards. Even “Don’t pay a cent” events for furniture at The Brick. These all count against you. Previous long term credit shows you were consistent in paying it off. Recent credit indicates you are not reliable and need more funds.

Too many credit cards also suggests you’ve accumulated too much ability for debt. Before applying for a mortgage, get rid of the most recent credit cards and keep the two that you’ve had the longest. Remember, longevity shows credit history and therefore worthiness.

Each time someone checks your credit score, this will affect your score as well. If you go to three banks, your score will be pulled three times. This is one reason why it’s wise to go to a broker, since they pull your score once.

Not sure how your score is doing? Pull it and check! You can check your own credit without it negatively affecting your score. You’ll be able to check for errors and look for ways to improve it. Awareness creates empowerment! When you position your credit in advance, you won’t run the risk of losing a perfect property when it becomes available. You’ll have the opportunity to move quickly when you find what you are looking for.

3. Get Pre-Approved

Do you know that pre-qualified and pre-approved are two different things? Being pre-qualified for a mortgage means that a lender has reviewed your basic financial information and determined that you are likely to qualify for a mortgage loan up to a certain amount. However, it is not a guarantee of approval.

Pre-approval, on the other hand, involves a more thorough review of your finances and credit history, and gives you a specific loan amount that you are approved for. Pre-approval is generally considered more reliable and is important to get before you go house hunting can give you a competitive edge in the real estate market. It can help you identify your budget, streamline the home-buying process, and give you confidence in making offers on properties. Additionally, pre-approval can help you avoid disappointment and save time by ensuring that you are only looking at homes that are within your price range. It also gives you a stronger negotiating position when making an offer on a home.

To get pre-approved for a mortgage, you typically need to provide your financial information to a lender, such as your income, assets, and credit history. The lender will then review your information and determine how much they are willing to lend you. This is still not fixed in stone, but it is a good 95% indicator that you’ll be able to get the approved mortgage amount when you find the right home.

Something many people don’t realize is that if you’re pre-approved but you have less than 20% of the down payment, a second person needs to approve it. You can’t get the approval either until the specific house is selected. So, you need to wait until you have a conditional sale on the house, which the lender then sends to the insurance company, since you don’t have the full 20%. The insurance company then has to approve the file. Typically, if it’s a good house, they’ll approve it because your lender hopefully is using the right criteria in the pre-approval that the insurance company will agree with. It’s for this reason that so many buyers purchase properties “conditional upon financing.”

Over the past two years, during Covid, we were seeing well over half the properties being sold without conditions on financing. This didn’t mean all those buyers were guaranteed financing by lenders. It just meant the buyers were promising to come up with the money, whether they qualified for the final sale by the insurance company or not. At the time people were willing to risk it because they wouldn’t be likely to get the house since somebody else would drop financing conditions. I worked with my buyers to make sure there were no red flags in the listing. If the phrases “handyman special” or “sold as is” showed, these homes are unlikely to be approved by a lender. In those cases, even if your financing wasn’t an issue, to the lender, the house is still an issue and they wouldn’t be willing to provide the mortgage. This was a very unusual situation, and buyers breathed a huge sigh of relief when the market returned to conditional offers.

I strongly recommend all my buyers find a reliable mortgage broker. A mortgage broker acts as a middleman between borrowers and lenders, helping borrowers find the right mortgage product and lender for their specific needs. They have access to a wide range of lenders and mortgage products, which means they can help you find options that may not be available to you otherwise. They can help you understand the different types of mortgages available and which ones may be the best fit for your financial situation. Because mortgage brokers work with multiple lenders, they can often negotiate better terms on your behalf. They can also help you navigate the application process, which can be time-consuming and confusing. Mortgage brokers are paid on commission by the lender, so there’s typically no cost to the borrower for their services.

Your broker can save you a phenomenal amount of time and money. Not only do they find you the best interest rate, which can mean tens of thousands over the lifetime of your home, but also they find you the best term for your situation. I have a client in a struggle right now because their initial mortgage term was too short. Now, because rates are higher, their investment property is costing rather than paying them.

Something else many people don’t realize is that when it comes to real estate insurance, different insurance companies prefer different types of properties. Some will loan on a multi-unit residential, others a country property, others want it to be on city services; some will loan on a property that’s in a floodplain, and others won’t. I recommend using a real estate insurance broker. They can save you time and effort by shopping around for policies on your behalf and negotiating with insurance companies to get you the best rates. They can also help you assess the risks associated with your property and recommend specific policies to mitigate those risks. In the event of a claim, a real estate insurance broker can act as an advocate for you and help you navigate the claims process.

If you’re in a situation where you are ready to take these steps but need more guidance, such as finding an excellent mortgage broker, insurance broker, or maybe you need coaching on how to improve your credit score – reach out! You can call us at 613-860-4663 or email us at together@dekkerteam.com.

Friday, April 14, 2023

Do you ever feel like you need more hours in the day to accomplish what you need to do? If so, you’ve likely over-committed yourself. “What?” you’re saying, “I just have so much to do and insufficient time.”

When I feel like this, I remind myself I have the same 24 hours as everyone else. The question is, where am I allocating my time?

I know the frantic feeling of juggling too many things at once. I often felt like I was juggling my mother’s china plates, concerned about what would happen if I let someone down or didn’t meet a deadline. It’s hard to disappoint people; if you’re like me, you want to say yes to everyone. I dread the idea of a missed deadline. Smash! Being late for a friend. Smash! Not keeping my word to someone. Smash! Someone will be particularly agitated if I drop more meaningful commitments, such as an anniversary party.

1. Shed the Fear of Commitment

It’s good to take the fear out of the concept of commitment to move to a place of empowerment. Some of us envision them as obligations that lock us in and prevent us from doing what we want. We may have some things to do, like renewing our driver’s license or paying our mortgage. Other commitments are fun because we’re passionate about them, such as planning a party, playing a sport, or going on a date. Remember that many of our commitments are enjoyable ones we choose because we enjoy them.

2. Identify the Rubber Balls

I’ve since realized that some things I’m juggling are rubber balls. I characterize those commitments as moveable or decide dropping them once or twice will be fine. One rubber ball I occasionally drop is going to the gym. I can skip it now and then for a china plate commitment if I don’t have enough time for both. I can skip exercise for a day or even a week, and like all rubber balls, dropping them too many times will turn that ball into a china dish! If I don’t exercise for a month, my body will feel it. That plate will break if I continue to drop it.

Identifying which of our commitments are rubber balls can help you prioritize the most important and let you know which you can safely drop when you’re overwhelmed or in a pinch. When we have too much on the go and overcommit to things, we get frantic and drop balls left and right. It’s better to choose to decline something that doesn’t have the same consequences.

3. Choose Things You Can Control

Occasionally I’ll have a seller who insists they will sell their home only if it sells for a specific amount of money, such as a million dollars. They’ll promise me that they won’t trade it for a penny less. I hear this even when an owner is forced to sell their property for one reason or another and doesn’t have a choice. In these cases, I say, “So, if somebody brings you $995,000, you won’t sell it?” They usually reply, “Nope. I’m only committing to selling if I get a million.”

This decision is interesting because it is committing to something beyond their control. We can’t tell the buyers what to do. I often respond, “I’d like to make that happen. I’ll do everything in my power to make that happen. And I won’t commit to it, and I wish you wouldn’t either. Because we’re not the only ones who determine what your home can sell for. I think you can commit to being available for showing and staging the property in good condition, and we’ll do the marketing and networking with other agents. But ultimately, the price is determined by the market and the buyer who wants to buy it and how much they want to buy it for, right?” We can commit to doing everything in our power, and committing to what we can control only makes sense.

4. Become Comfortable with Saying No

I often remind myself that no is a complete sentence. It is. Many of us willingly plunge ourselves into a state of overcommitment because we’d rather deal with the consequences than the momentary discomfort of saying no to someone. It’s okay to say no! You can say, “You know what? It doesn’t fit in my calendar right now.” “I’d love to say yes, and this time I’m going to say no.” or even, “I have other commitments.”

I’d love to say yes to everyone who needs me. I also love to feel calm rather than frantic. I remind myself that when I overcommit, I start dropping the breakable elements in my life to catch a rubber ball. Learning to say no confidently to rubber balls frees you up for what is most important to you.

5. Create A Margin

Ken and I learned to block off spots in our calendars where we aren’t committed to anything. Just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should do everything. These valuable spaces give us a chance to rest and catch our breath. Another benefit is that we aren’t necessarily moved into a frantic space when an emergency arises because we have a buffer.

6. Know What You’re Committing To

Ken once brought home two brand new guitars – an electric guitar and a bass guitar. I thought, “What on earth is he doing? This is SO not a priority right now.” Ken was thrilled with his purchases and insisted he always wanted to learn to play. Well, it’s been a few years, and they’re still collecting dust in the basement. He sheepishly realizes now that he was committed to the fun of owning the guitars but not to the time and effort of taking lessons.

7. Pause Before You Commit

I’m susceptible to things that develop my growth as a person or a professional. When I hear about a new course, I become excited about learning that thing. I love learning, teaching, and growing, and it’s easy to talk myself into needing more training and envisioning the value it will bring to myself and others. After collecting many courses that I’d later realized I would never take the time to finish, I now encourage myself to pause before signing up for anything. I wait the night and tell myself I can always sign up in the morning. Why? Because when we don’t take immediate action, we likely won’t take action at all. As a result, I’ve signed up for far fewer courses, and I’m thankful for the clarity brought by stepping back. We tend to overcommit when we don’t pause and think of the repercussions.

8. Consider Finding a Partner

We found a great investment property a few years ago – an 18-unit apartment building. While we were excited about it, we had to ask ourselves, are we willing even if we get the financing together? Do we have the capacity, the margin, and the space to put in the time and effort required? It would mean renovations, communicating with tenants, collecting rent, and maintenance. Not to mention a significant learning curve. We realized we didn’t have the capability at the time for something so big. So, we decided to commit to doing it with a partner. This individual brought the expertise and effort to make a commitment that we felt we could honour without dropping our others.

The beauty is that we got the opportunity because we partnered. It paid off because, in two years, the property’s value rose to a 50% increase. This is 25% a year, which is incredible. And we didn’t have to drop any china plates for it!

9. Get the Full Value of Your Commitment By Finishing

Some of my sellers and investors plan on full renovations of their properties. But then, when they are 80% of the way through, they feel too tired and don’t want to do the last little bit. I had one client who was so close to completion and only had about a thousand dollars worth left to do. He decided it was too finicky and stopped. I reminded him that he committed to a completed house and that if he didn’t do the one thing, it would cost him a fair bit when it was time to to sell. These little details would make a $20,000 difference or more in the sale. What a shame not to get the full value for what he’s already done!

10. Remove What You’re Not Fully Committed To

We schedule our calendars in a time block system, and each item we add we view as an intentional time commitment. Our integrity goes out the window whenever we don’t do what’s on our calendar consistently. We become deflated and discouraged.

We’ve since learned to delete things we frequently drop. Those to-do’s that never get accomplished. It’s best to look at what aligns most strongly with our values and decide what we are willing to put our time and effort into. If you’re not ready to truly commit, then it’s best to remove it from your calendar to preserve your integrity. 

Friday, April 7, 2023

Ken and I were thrilled to sit down with Stephen Rolston and Kevin Rankin from Land Ark, a company in the process of building Watercolor, a net zero housing community in Westport, Ontario. They gave us a sneak peek of the concept inside net zero housing: what it is, why it’s the construction of the future, and how to make your current home more energy efficient.

Yetta: So, what exactly is a net zero house? Are there certain specifications to meet? How does this work?

Kevin: The term net zero speaks to the efficiency of the home. It’s a symbol of excellence and quality around the building’s construction, testing, and certification. It means your home can generate as much energy as the habitants use in a given year. So, over the balance of the year, you get to zero.

Yetta: Are we mainly talking about general heating here?

Kevin: No, this isn’t just the heating and cooling factor of the home. It’s electricity for lights, cooking, watching TV, and surfing the net. The house supplies all your electrical needs.

Ken: Now, Stephen, you have been a builder for decades. When did you start this journey with net zero housing, and what led you to it?

Stephen: Five years ago, I was like most people. I didn’t know anything about the subject. I looked into it because I planned to build a unique community in Westport, Ontario, where we own some land. We were trying to develop a pedestrian-focused, walkable neighborhood. The village is over 200 years old and sandwiched between two beautiful lakes. We wanted to stay true to the character of an intimate waterfront village. We called the community Watercolor because the homes are bright, Newfoundland-coloured homes.

I was passionate about the location, but it didn’t have access to natural gas. Electric heat with a traditional building style is so expensive I knew I had to find an alternative. Something with more energy efficiency.

As I was doing my research, I came across information about net zero-ready homes. I got excited because the electrification of cars and houses is critical to saving this planet. I love being part of this because I believe in the creation mandate that we are to care for the earth.

So way back in 1972, some people were using heat pumps. Heat pumps have been around for about 100 years, just air conditioners running in reverse. Only recently, though, have they been a great option.

Ken: Yes, that’s a good point. As a REALTOR®, I find most people shy away from a property if it has electric heat. They want natural gas, and if that’s not available, they may settle for propane.

Stephen: Right, and for the most part, that makes sense. In 1987, we installed a heat pump. And it was horrific. But the bottom line is in a conventional home; the building isn’t enclosed enough to support a heat pump. It’s going to be terribly expensive.

What’s interesting is technology has advanced so much that Natural Resources Canada did a study across the country in 2020 and found across all housing types in all our climates that with energy prices from 2020, we’ve crossed the tipping point. Fossil fuel prices have gone up so much and are going up so much with the carbon tax that electricity is becoming the more cost effective way to heat a home.

Even though research clearly shows one thing, it can take a long time for people’s ideas to catch up. Triple-pane windows have been available for about 40 years now. Why is it that when people are upgrading their windows, they’re still putting in double panes? We’ve had the new technology for forty years – and people are still installing outdated systems. Why? Many people need to realize it saves you a few dollars on the windows, but they are losing out on double the R-value. It’s crazy when you know that 99.9% of homes today are being built with obsolete technology. And it doesn’t have to be this way.

Yetta: So you think education will be a big part of people making the switch?

Kevin: Right; once you understand the implications surrounding it, people will stop asking, “Why net zero?” and start insisting, “Why NOT net zero?”

Stephen: If there’s one thing we’d like to encourage, it’s to have both consumers ask for it and builders choose to build them. There’s no reason not to. It’s all proven technology; it’s not new. Canada has been a leader in construction technology for 50 years. What people don’t realize is that these choices don’t force you to give anything up. You actually gain. Not only do you get a more cost-effective living, but you achieve a more comfortable home.

Ken: Yes, I think most people assume net zero housing is expensive and that they can’t budget much for this type of construction. What would you say to this?

Stephen: I’ve built both regular and highly energy-efficient homes. When you look at the average price of our homes, we’re building semi-detached, thousand-square-foot homes for about $599,000. The cost difference between constructing that and a conventional house of similar specifications is almost negligible.

Yetta: That seems hard to believe. If that’s the case, why aren’t all builders building this way?

Stephen: Exactly. Why aren’t they? There’s no financial or scientific reason not to. It’s a mindset thing. Once you realize the science behind it and what’s at stake with our environment, it comes down to resolve. I think more builders will come around to this style of construction, instead of waiting for the mandated legislation in 2035. They’ll recognize the brilliance of it. It’s overall a much better homeowner experience for not much more money.

Yetta: You’ve mentioned that net zero housing provides a better homeowner experience. Can you tell us more about that? How is the experience better than living in a conventional home?

Stephen: Sure. When people ask, I respond to that question, “Have you ever been in a car with heated seats?”. And sometimes they’ll say, “Yes.” Then we ask, “Have you ever been in a car with a heated steering wheel?”. And if they have, they’ll say yes to that one. And we explain it’s a similar concept, like a better driving experience. In a net zero home, the air is fresh. With triple-pane windows, you can sit comfortably beside a beautiful, large outdoor window in the middle of winter. The windows have double the insulation, and because of the low solar heat gain coefficient in the window, you won’t feel a draft. And in the summertime, you can sit in front of that big window and not feel the heat. It’s fabulous, with so many subtle things adding to the customer experience.

Yetta: So the air really is more fresh?

Kevin: Yes. How often do you want to breathe fresh air? All the time, right? And that is precisely one of the specifications of a net zero home. They allow you to control your environment. Not just heat but also your air quality, rather than having air coming in and out of holes in the house that you didn’t even know existed. Studies have shown that these homes are great for sensitive people with allergies or asthma.

Ken: I’ve noticed you have a different kind of duct system than a conventional home. If you have forced air, you’ve got this big return duct and a big duct that sends air to different parts of the room, with registers on the floor, usually in front of the window, trying to keep the moisture off the window and keep them clear. But you have a different kind of duct system.

Stephen: We do, and it’s called smart ducting. It’s one of the smart features in the home. Since the air is filtered/treated, many people find that their allergies and asthma disappear when they move into these homes.

Another benefit is the air ducts in our homes are up high. You don’t get the loud sound of a furnace turning on or running. In a house with a heat pump, the furnace is so quiet you don’t even notice it. You have a lot less white noise in the background.

You also are protected from noises outside.The average person lives in a home where the air seeping into the home is about the size of a front door. That’s where all the noise comes in. Our homes also have a thermal blanket around them with Styrofoam insulation on the outside. So that, and the triple window panes, deaden much of the noise.

Yetta: No waking up to your neighbour mowing their lawn at six in the morning!

Kevin: It’s remarkable. One of our homeowners in Westport has several houses in construction on either side of her property. She says she only hears the construction noise around her when she opens the door. Otherwise, she doesn’t hear it.

Yetta: Interesting. It’s not something you’d expect because that is not the norm.

Stephen: When you look at heating, it’s not just about heat loss. You also don’t need as much energy to heat the house. So, you’re talking about savings and energy conservation in two ways instead of one. You’re reducing the required heating dramatically because you’re controlling the air and the heat loss through your windows and walls. And it’s great because you don’t get the stratification.

Ken: Stratification, which is why I need blankets on all the chairs in my theater room. Because we’re always cold in the basement!

Stephen: Exactly right. Net zero homes are insulated under the slab and up the walls. With the energy efficiency and the continuous distribution of this conditioned air, you have consistent temperatures in the basement and the main level. We don’t even call them basements in our homes. We call them lower levels because they have huge windows to let in the light. The basement is just as warm as the rest of the house. And if you have a loft or a two-story upstairs, it’s also the same temperature. So you get the cost savings, and you get just a more usable home on all levels.

Yetta: Wow, that’s another great benefit. Some people might think, “That sounds amazing, but I don’t want to leave my current home.” Is there a way a person can retrofit their conventional home to make it net zero?

Stephen: It could never become actual net zero because much of the process happens in the construction phase. However, you can move it toward the mark. For this precise reason, we hired one of North America’s most outstanding energy consultants, a building scientist, Gord Cook, to come to the cove in Westport. Moving towards more efficiency in a conventional home starts with hiring an energy auditor who will look at nine key things. This is a great investment.

Ken: I heard that if you pay for the audit and go through with it, the Canadian federal government will reimburse you for pinpointing those nine steps. They’ll give you up to $5,000 in a grant for particular renovations and for the audit of your home. They also provide up to a $40,000 interest-free loan that a person can repay over the next ten years to retrofit existing homes. Using someone else’s money for a wise investment with an interest-free loan is a good deal!

That’s $4,000 a year that you pay back. And right now, correct me if I’m wrong, but it may be hard to get $4,000 with savings in energy consumption in a year with your $40,000. But with carbon tax going up significantly, year over year until 2030, you will see greater savings in the future.

And as we get closer to 2035, all new construction will be net zero ready. Once we’re moving in that direction, we’ll devalue our homes if we’re not doing the upgrades. Older homes will sell for less than we might like. Solar panels on a roof typically don’t help the value of a home right now. As energy costs continue to rise, people will become more conscious, which will change people’s views. I love math, and so I love the inverse relationship. The cost of heating fuel is rising, and the cost of making your home more efficient is decreasing.

Kevin: We hope people will become more informed about net zero housing. Then they can start to take action, even just one positive step after another.

To learn more, check out Stephen Rolston’s Youtube channel at: https://www.youtube.com/@landarkhomes. You’ll find more about net zero housing and Watercolor, the Westport community.

If you are interested in buying a more efficient home, reach out to us and the Dekker Team can guide you.

Fri. March 31, 2023

There is a Bible verse I’ve always found odd. It’s from Psalm 34:8, which says: Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. (NIV).

I’m not sure that ordinary Jewish people circa. 200 BC had many opportunities to try new foods. The reference likely nods to tasting a meal or sampling your cooking to see if it’s good. And you get that surprised, delighted feeling when something is better than you expected.

I think the heart of this verse is that when you “taste” God, you are experiencing who He is and learning that He is “Good.” The psalmist makes the direct link to taking “refuge” in God. When we have little tastes of God, we know His goodness and grow by experiencing His protection and strength.

When times are good, it’s pretty easy to be thankful. And while we’d love to stay there, we also encounter Him in the hard times when we need “refuge.” How do we take refuge in Him? The verse tells us: by recognizing He is Good. We build our faith by those little tastes, those little things that increase our faith. The times He speaks to us when we read the Bible, the insights we glean in church, and the encouragement we receive from fellow believers. When the hard times come, we often spend more time in His presence because we depend on His help. The setbacks, the failure, the illness – we are much more thankful, open, and willing to learn from Him during these times because the stakes are higher. As a result, this extended time is often when we gain the most significant insights.

One way I spend time with God is through breath prayers. This type of prayer and meditation dates back to the early church, around 200 AD, and is simple. I find a quiet space and choose a verse from the Bible. Then I meditate on the verse, matching it to my in and out breathing. Two of my favourites are: The joy of the Lord is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10) and Apart from God, I have no good thing (Psalm 16:2). Even when I am struggling and can’t think of anything else, I can get these words out. They reconnect me to Him, and I’m “tasting” Him in the midst of that.

Thessalonians 5:17 encourages us to be constantly in prayer. This concept can be a real challenge as many of us have many things on the go. Several texts from the 15th, 16th, and 19th centuries, such as Abide in Christ by Andrew Murray, helped me understand this concept. Many of these writers were monks or people who spent extended periods in silence with God and explained how they learned to stay continually in His presence.

I’ve learned to own the truth that God sees everything I’m up to; He sees me every moment of every day. I can’t hide or get away from Him. So, in a way, everything I’m doing is in a state of prayer, even if I’m not praying per se at that moment. This translates to me viewing my life as a state of prayer. Because He knows what’s going on in my head, it’s never Him who is not paying attention; it’s me who checks out of the conversation. I believe He’s always speaking, always present with me, whether in my mind or through the things around me, like nature, and when I am not in His presence, it’s because I have stopped listening.

I catch myself when I’m sitting in church or reading my Bible and realize I’m just going through the motions. Awareness of what we’re doing is the first step, isn’t it? I shake my head and tell myself I’m choosing routine over connecting with the Lord. I try to be as humanly aware as possible of Him all the time.

Hebrews 10:25 urges us to “not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another” (NIV). I coined an expression about living alone: Going solo takes you so low, and going in community brings you into unity. If you’re naturally independent like me, you may have to discipline yourself to make it a habit.

We gain another perspective of God when we worship in a community. The Bible urges us to keep meeting other believers because when we gather, we move each other forward. The reason is outlined in the verse before: let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds (v.24). When you don’t meet together, it’s hard to encourage each other. We experienced this during the pandemic as we realized that while Zoom meetups are great, they aren’t the same as an in-person gathering.

If you’re interested in being part of an additional community to spur you on, we’d love to invite you to join the LIFEˣ community. It’s a Facebook group for people to get together with other like minded people on a growth journey to create a LIFE exponential. Interested in learning more? Reach out to us at together@dekkerteam.com.

Friday, March 24, 2023

At some point in every meaningful relationship, whether a friendship or something romantic, I’ve encountered disagreements that triggered my frustration and dysregulated my emotions. Have you ever argued with someone and felt convinced you were right and the other person was wrong? When our emotions are triggered and we need to prove our perspective, it’s easy to spin out of control, even at the cost of the relationship. After calming down, we realize we’ve treated those we care about as enemies because we let our emotions cloud our vision of what is really important. 

It’s important to know why we lose control of our emotions. Diana, a former mentor of mine, suggested I think of it like keeping my feelings between two lines. Our emotions will always be fluctuating up and down; we don’t want to be flatlined. And yet when our emotions go above or below those lines, we’re in a dysregulated state and aren’t able to think clearly. Maybe you’re like me and feel judged when I believe I am alone in my struggles. We often assume we’re the only one going through dysregulation and wonder what is wrong with us? I’ve learned things we tend to think are unique to us are often universal. 

I experienced this regularly when my strong-willed son, Ryan, was a child. I wanted respect, and when I didn’t receive it, I got louder, I got angrier, and I yelled. The more dysregulated I became, the more irrational my son got as well. In his state of fear and escalation, he couldn’t respond the way I needed him to respond, or even the way he wanted to respond. I think that’s really important to consider when our emotions go out of the lines, no one is acting rationally. After I calmed down, I’d sit on his bed with him, feeling like an absolute failure. My son and I have a beautiful relationship now; he has forgiven me for my past anger and we move forward respectfully in our disagreements now. 

I used to fight so hard to be right even though, in the end, relationally, I lost. I’ve gotten much better at regulating myself more quickly as I’ve matured and sought growth in this area. After 40 years of marriage, I’ve come a long way to learning what a healthy, productive disagreement looks like. Let’s discuss five simple strategies that will help us celebrate our differences with those we love and deepen our relationships. It is so freeing when you can trust yourself to be agreeable even in disagreement. 

1. Gain Awareness of Your Triggers

We carry hurts from our past that trigger emotional reactions we might not be aware of. Consider the last argument you’ve had. What was really going on for you? I carry a sense from my childhood experiences that I can’t get anything right. When I’m corrected, that insecurity bubbles up and my emotions struggle to burst out of the lines. This trigger won’t necessarily ever go away, and now as I’ve dealt with the pain behind the experience, I don’t trigger as quickly or as frequently. 

2. Choose To Put Away Your Racket

We have the choice to act on our triggers or to recognize them for what they are and choose our behaviour. A racket is the way we behave based on the trigger, such as storming off in a huff, going silent, yelling, or making threats to gain the upper hand.  

We naturally go to these behaviours because we get something from it. I used to feel that by storming off, I could protect my self-esteem. From a few experiences in my childhood, I learned losing my confidence was so painful, preserving it felt paramount. The emotional benefit I got from storming off, in that moment, made the negative relational repercussions seem worth it. Our brains say, “Okay, I’ll just continue behaving this way because I get a benefit.” 

3. Understand People Do Things For Themselves 

People don’t generally do things to you; they do things for themselves. In those arguments, I was not intentionally trying to hurt my spouse, I was trying to protect myself. My bad behaviour wasn’t about him, it was my racket from past hurts. It was about me. 

Understanding people you love generally speaking aren’t out to get you, that’s so freeing! Our family loves the saying, “Hurt people hurt others and are easily hurt.” This puts bullying and arguments into perspective, and can help us gain control. 

4. Make the Effort to Break the Habit

Brain scientists are coming to understand that every time we act on a habit, the neural pathways in our brains get thicker and thicker. Eventually, these pathways become super highways. And like a highway, responses to follow that habit can be more frequent and faster. At this stage, we have to work hard to choose a different path. As soon as we are triggered, it’s very easy to act on it the same way we always have – such as storming off. There is no pause, no thinking about it. It’s automatic. 

In these cases, we have to build new stories, choose new thoughts that encourage us to leave our racket, and choose a different response. Decide that that super highway is going to become a footpath that you rarely use. 

5. Choose to View Our Differences As Strengths

I used to live in a place of, “I’m right. You’re wrong.” Over the years, my spouse and I  have discovered that no, we’re just different. We have different perspectives, personalities, and histories. Most times, we can both be right and it’s just a preference that we’re dealing with. And, ultimately I discovered that it really doesn’t matter who is right when we do right by each other. 

I struggled so hard with this concept. It’s embarrassing how much I struggled with it. I viewed compromise as both of us losing. Now, we choose to go to a place of collaboration. We metaphorically put our two perspectives together in a pot and cook a better stew, basically. And we’ve learned we come out with a synergistic solution that was better than one of our perspectives to begin with.  

My spouse and I still disagree. A lot. But we’ve learned we don’t have to be furious and miserable in our disagreements. We can choose to set aside frustration and be gentle and kind. I used to tell myself, “Do I want to be right? Or do I want to be happy?” Being right is not worth the cost of the relationship. Instead, I’ve decided that it’s “fascinating” when my spouse thinks differently. 

If you would like to learn more about this and other ways to develop an exponential life, you might be interested in our soon to be released book, “Lifeˣ: Simple Steps to Achieve Exponential Living.” If you’d like to learn more or pre-order your copy, reach out to us at together@dekkerteam.com. We’d love to make sure you get one of the first copies.